Bedside
by Prince-Vermin
Summary: Slight A/U. Upon the return from the Ark, Allen and Lavi speak with each other about the truth. Shounen-ai fluff. Lavi/Allen. Oneshot.


A/N: This is my first D

A/N: This is my first D. gray Man fic, and only one of a full list of 100 prompts that my friends and I are planning on meeting together. This is dedicated to other Lavi/Allen fans! It's kind of Au-ish. It's my interpretation of the way things could've happened.

Bedside

Why did you do it?

I would have done anything to save you from those flames, to save you from the gaping darkness that threatens to swallow us all.

Why didn't you let me save you?

Allen rested his face in his hands, leaning over the unconscious form of his comrade. A shock of red hair spilled loosely across the garish white linen of the infirmary's pillow case. There were only a few signs of the previous battles left on the lithe form of the apprentice Bookman, for which Allen felt extremely grateful. He blamed himself for what had happened, which was a typical reaction for the boy.

"You had better wake up Lavi, or I'm going to kill you." The White-haired exorcist muttered half heartedly as he leaned back in his chair. Grey eyes turned to look on his other comrades sleeping in identical beds on either side of Lavi. Kanda and Krowly, his other brothers in arms seemed to rest peacefully as well. Allen closed his eyes for a moment.

He had been so sure that he had lost them all for good. Upon meeting the Noahs Road and Tyki, He and the others' worst fears had been confirmed; that the rooms in which Kanda and Krowly had been fighting for their sakes had been deleted. Loosing Lavi had been the last straw. Allen Walker had never felt such rage and sorrow, and for a moment he wanted nothing but to send everything into oblivion- because he felt it that unfair. That feeling had frightened the boy and haunted him even now.

Allen was not a destroyer. Allen fought knowing that it was to preserve the souls and futures of the people he loved. But it was also to bring salvation to the pitiful souls of the Akuma. Lavi had sacrificed so much for them…for Allen. Of course, everyone who had followed him into the Ark had. But Allen connected Lavi to the single happiest memories in his young life. In recent memory, there wasn't a memory that he could recall in which the mirthful redhead was not present. The exorcist's growing suspicions about Lavi had only increased upon the incident when they had entered the Ark. Allen knew that he couldn't let Lenalee be taken, but he had expected to fight alone. Instead, there was a hand firmly grasping his as they slipped into oblivion. Lavi refused to let go. Somewhere deep inside, Allen felt like he and Lavi had some sort of secret connection, one that no one else could possibly understand or duplicate.

The White haired boy reached up and pressed to fingers to the crimson pentacle on his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut again. Grey eyes then found themselves wandering up the motionless form, subconsciously monitoring the unconscious young man's breathing. His clothes had been badly singed by the fire that had nearly consumed him, and the infirmary staff had been quick about cutting them away, replacing them with a comfortable looking linen gown. Two things remained however, almost out of respect or so it seemed; The Bookman's headband and eyepatch.

Allen subconsciously fiddled with the intricately detailed fabric of Lavi's headband as he considered these facts, wondering if he would have minded had he been awake. His hand left and then returned to the headband as he glanced around to reassure himself that no staff were present at this late hour. Allen tugged gently on the cloth, sliding the green and black material down to rest around Lavi's neck, letting his unruly mop of fiery hair free.

Something fell from the headband, landing in startling white contrast atop the crimson strands. Allen reached for it, turning the item over in his fingers. It took him a moment to realize that it was a playing card, one of the ones that Tyki Mikk had given to him to be exact. The ace of spades stared up at him, reminding him of the grief that his friends had suffered. Lavi had gone there then… to the clearing in the bamboo forest where he had died. Of course Lavi had come after him.

Hot tears burned down Allen's cheeks as he leaned forward, still grasping the slightly rumpled card in his hand. Sobs shook his small shoulders as buried his face in his arms. Lavi and the other had had to grieve for him. It seemed so unfair that they had had to fight so long and so hard believing that their comrade was dead. The boy knew that he would have broken. He had, in a sense at the end of everything.

Suddenly, he felt a hand comb through his hair. "Whacha crying for, Moyashi?" Allen lifted his head sharply, too happy to care about the nick name. Lavi peered at him with a gentle smile from his half lidded emerald eye. Allen had known that his friend would wake up; that the apprentice Bookman would be just fine, but nothing prepared him for how happy he was now that it had happened.

"Lavi-kun!" He rasped, trying to talk through his tears.

"You found it, huh?" The emerald orb now rested on the ace of spades clutched in Allen's left hand. He only nodded in response, feeling a little shy.

"The report from the Asian branch said that he had destroyed it…destroyed your innocence." Lavi said suddenly, eye fixed on Allen's 'new' arm. The friends hadn't had much time to talk since their reunion, and the circumstances of Allen's alleged death were still unclear to the redhead. "I was so angry. And then in Edo, when I fought Tyki Mikk… he gloated about it…about murdering you." He spoke the last of his sentence through gritted teeth, the obvious anger still burning fresh in his one eye.

"I'm sorry Lavi. I'm sorry that I let it happen. I should have-"

"Don't say that. The bastard got what he deserved." He bit, reaching up and grasping Allen's wrist. Lavi was instantly aware of the rough, leathery texture it had.

"I was afraid that you were gone forever." Allen said miserably, hanging his head.

"I was sure that I was." Lavi Managed a chuckle.

"I don't want to be scared like that ever again." Allen continued, hanging his head so that his bangs brushed Lavi's knuckles. "I couldn't stand it if you were gone."

Lavi's grip slackened for a moment, his expression becoming guarded. Allen's breath caught in his throat. Had he said something to make Lavi uncomfortable?

"Allen… you know that saying…? How people say you don't know what you've got until it's gone? When you… When you died… I thoguth I was going to lose it. I shouted at Lenalee because she was crying…and I'm a Bookman… I couldn't cry for you and it was all I wanted to do. When Tyki called you a cheater… I wanted to rip him apart. How could he stand it? How could he stand to destroy something so beautiful and perfect? It's not fair. That's what I kept thinking."

Lavi wouldn't meet Allen's eyes. Grey orbs watched him, widened in shock and disbelief. Did Lavi really mean what he said? Allen couldn't believe that someone would think that he- Allen Walker, the boy with the deformed arm and cursed face- was beautiful… perfect?

"Lavi… Lavi you really mean…that?" Allen's voice was much quieter than he wanted it to be.

"Yeah…why?" Lavi still wouldn't loo at him. The Bookman had been touched by the young exorcist's gentle care and concern for his comrades and akuma alike, by his almost constant smile, and the mysterious nature of his stark white hair long ago. From the moment he had met Allen, Lavi knew that he was in trouble.

"I'm so sorry that you had to suffer. Thank you so much Lavi. You're wonderful." Allen took Lavi's hand in both of his and nuzzled against it. Lavi met his gaze this time, his expression one of surprise.

"You suffered the same for me, Allen. You're precious to me. We've…been through hell together." He responded, voice giving away his body's fatigue.

"Don't leave me again Lavi." Allen stated simply.

"I'll do my best, Moyashi."

"It's Allen."

"I know."

"But you said…"  
"I'm in love with you Moyashi-chan."

Silence. Allen blinked, dumbfounded up at the redhead as his emerald eyes searched for something unidentifiable in the white-wash of the wall. Allen wasn't stupid. In fact, he was well aware of the ins and outs of love and relationships thanks to his upbringing with Cross Marian. He rolled this confession around in his head for a bit, trying to identify the illogical with logic.

"You're in…love with me?" He could hardly believe it. Allen hadn't the time to consider such things from the beginning. Being an exorcist was his life, and he knew nothing else. He had never considered falling in love, and now that it was happening…now that he was sure it was, the white-haired boy couldn't imagine why he had avoided it for so long. Hearing those words from Lavi just…felt right.

"Yeah, I am Allen. I love you."

"I love you too."

Silence. Lavi couldn't believe it. He wondered what was about to happen. It was dangerous ground. Their livelihoods were sponsored by the Vatican after all. If they found out, it could reflect on the entire order.

"Can I kiss you?"

Allen stopped breathing altogether this time.

"I've been waiting…for a long time." Lavi said, his voice low.

Allen had never really been kissed before, least of all by someone he was in love with. The most recent kiss he had received had been a disturbingly sloppy and provocative one from the Noah Road Kamelot. Previous kisses had been perhaps even more unpleasant in their nature. Cross Gensui had left him to pay for his debts countless times. The Red-headed General had never taught Allen much of anything, but the young exorcist had learned plenty thanks to his abuse and or neglect.

Allen's mood threatened to sour at such memories, but was suddenly interrupted by the pleasant, silky warmth of lips on his own. Lavi had struggled into a nearly upright position, enveloping the younger exorcist in his arms to support his still weakened body. The White-haired boy's thoughts raced uncontrollably. A few hours ago, Lavi had been dead. Allen had reconstructed him using the arc. Was this real? Had he accidentally imprinted his own longings onto the Red-head's persona? Fighting the doubt in his heart, Allen pushed back, deepening the kiss at his own pace, his tongue fighting for entrance into the other's mouth.

The passionate battle of wills raged on until Lavi, still weakened from the ordeal in the Ark had to break away to catch his breath, the shock of Allen's forcefulness still etched on his features. His breathing was slightly shaky, his heart racing as the one eye stared up at Allen. The bookman reached up and smoothed the boy's stark-white hair back, his eye lingering on the red marking that marred the pale skin of his forehead. It wasn't really a mar at all… the more Lavi stared at it, the more he fell in love with it.

"Lavi…"

"It was worth waiting."

"Mmm." Allen nodded, his reply wordless and drowsy sounding. "I'm sorry that I made you wait for so long." The white-haired exorcist finally managed to speak coherently.

Lavi shook his head and smiled in return, his face radiating gratitude and what might have been contentment; a foreign feeling to a roving bookman.

"I knew I had messed up… I knew I was in love with you as soon as I saw what Timcanpy showed us… I was stupid. I wouldn't let myself be in love with you until you were…dead." The redhead stated, brown lined with obvious remorse.

"It's alright now Lavi. What matters is that we all made it back. Our family is intact. We made it home." Allen was feeling a little more emotional than he wanted to be. He was fighting tears again.

"Thank you. We all owe you our lives…more than that."

"Don't thank me yet. The Earl is sure to mount a full assult soon." Allen replied gravely, closing his eyes as Lavi caressed his cheek, tracing the crimson line that bisected his left cheek.

"Shh. Don't worry about that now. Don't think about anything else." The young exorcist nodded against his friend…no, his lover's hand and sighed as though it would expel the worries that had crept into his heart. It was the best he had felt since before Mana had died, to think of Lavi and only Lavi. Allen crawled up onto the edge of the bed and curled on his side next to the Redhead.

"We'll be okay now… just rest." Lavi was now realizing from the state of his dear friend's drawn face and rumpled clothing that he hadn't slept yet. It was just like Allen, to not leave his fallen nakama's bedside.

Lavi was still awake as the younger boy drifted off into sleep, his head on his chest. He would make the excuses should any staff or friends approach. Allen was tired and no one had the right to deny him rest now on account of awkwardness or…whatever. The bookman's apprentice promised himself then and there that he would protect Allen no matter what. No one was going to take him away. The world needed him. Lavi needed him.

He closed his eyes and followed his beloved into sleep.


End file.
